Missed a day

TUESDAY:
My best friend is Chevi-ik i told yall that but y'all should get yourself an Chevi! -
She's intelligent, possess a pure heart and soul. She is down to earth and loyal, trustworthy, honest and dependable. She is a fab listener, she doesn't judge me EVER! Emma is funny, fun to be around and extremely empathic! She's supported me through thick and thin and for that I am eternally grateful! 
You may or may not have noticed I haven't mentioned anything about her physical appearance... now yes, she is beautiful too, but how much does that matter? Well PLOT TWIST, IT DOESN'T BLOODY MATTER! (ptw from now on) A true friend will not care if you have a big nose, eyes are too far apart, you have a birth mark that covers half your face and neck. They don't care for the number on the scales, the size of your waist, wrist, thigh, bum or arm. A true friend doesn't care whether you have a thigh gap of if you are a size six! 
Guess what, it's not only true friends which don't care! NOBODY CARES! No decent person will care about anything I just listed! They don't care because it doesn't matter! Your physical appearance DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR WORTH! 
GOOD PEOPLE won't ACTUALLY like you more if you have a wide space for partials to pass through between your legs, how high up your arm your fingers still touch when wrapped around it. NO ONE FUCKING CARES! 
So why do we?! Like srsly?! Why? Being a fucking corpse doesn't give you a space at university, it doesn't give you a spot on the Gymnastics or cheer leading team, it doesn't attract more friends, it doesn't get you your dream job, it doesn't make you or anyone in your life happy. It does the EXACT OPPOSITE! It emotionally kills people that care for you, it puts you in hospital, it takes away your brain function so no chance of uni. 
Don't kid yourself. Don't let your ED kid you either! Life is shit in relapse, when your underweight or just with an eating disorder in general! Don't let it win

TODAY:Anorexia is not just not eating. Anorexia is not just thigh gaps and a narrow waist. It is not just rich, white, teenage girls. It is not just hating food. It is not a choice or a lifestyle. It is not just small wrists popping out of oversized sweaters. It is deadly. It is serious. It is my life, not your joke.

Anorexia is a coping mechanism, because what you eat is the only bloody thing you can control in this turbulent ride through hell. 
It is the pure fear of food. It is refusal of a piece of fruit even if the doctors say it could save your life in this moment. It is the obsession with food so much in spare time you visit the supermarket to ogle at all the food that you are not allowed to have. 
It is the people, the all consuming self hatred, the loss of yourself. Your personality is slipping away and shrouded by the darkness that is anorexia. It is not beautiful, it is not pretty faces and soft skin. Anorexia is shallow, gaunt faces spewing lies, manipulation, hate and anger. It's cold summer days and spiritless mindfulness. It is bony fingers and straw hair that trails behind you.

Anorexia is shit. You are not. You are worthy.