Recovery

💋💋Recovery. What does that even mean? It is different for everyone. For me, it is not just the typical getting my life back, it is also being able to do the small things, like walk up the stairs to the big things like completing what spirit guides tell me. It is going out clothes shopping and not being triggered and sent into a backwards cycle of restrict, lose weight, self harm, OD and repeat. It is waking up in the morning and finding it hard to drag myself out but still getting up, getting dressed and getting out. 
But, that is just what recovery brings you over time. You cannot get what you want without the work. To do what you want, you cannot also do what your demons want, you have to disobey them, you have to fight with every inch, every cell, every fiber of your being for your life or i hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will no longer be a being. Recovery is not simple. It is not a quick fix. It is time consuming, painful, heart wrenching and quite frankly harder to go through than the days before recovery.

There are good days, there are bad days, there are days where you do just feel so bloody numb that you might as well be the still, cold nothingness air in the therapy waiting room freezing you at seven in the morning so you can still make it into school on time so nobody notices and nobody asks questions. Because let’s be real, those questions always trigger the backward spiral.